How Should Children Be Told That Their Mother or Father Has Cancer?

A cancer diagnosis in a parent, such as the mother or father who directly influences a child’s development, or in someone who cares for the child personally, is sometimes hidden from children. However, experts say that explaining the situation in an age-appropriate way allows the process to be managed much more easily and appropriately. This helps children understand changes in the household and feel more secure while adapting to them. If children hear about the situation from others rather than their parents, however, their trust in their parents may be shaken. How, then, should children be told that a parent has been diagnosed with cancer?

Young children (under 8) do not need extensive information about the disease, but older children (aged 8 to 12) and teenagers should learn more.

All Children Need the Following Basic Information:

• The name of the cancer (such as breast cancer or lymphoma)
• The part of the body where the cancer is located
• How it will be treated
• How their own lives will be affected

1- The Right Time

First, arrange a calm and suitable time. Speak with each child individually so that the conversation can be tailored to their age and understanding. This also helps the parent answer the child’s questions more comfortably. Do not interrupt your conversation to talk on the phone or do something else, as this makes returning to the conversation later more difficult.

2- Open Communication

You need to plan what to say according to each child’s age and development. Establish open communication with the child so that you can understand their concerns, needs and fears. Beginning discussion of the illness this way allows you to meet their psychological and physical needs more easily by maintaining regular, open communication during and after treatment.

You can mention physical features that may change as the disease progresses.

3- Accurate, Age-Appropriate Information

For young children (under 8), you can explain that the body consists of many different parts and that when someone has cancer, something has gone wrong in one of these parts that normally should not happen. A part of the body is no longer healthy. You can explain with statements such as “Over time, a lump/mass developed” or “A group of bad cells began growing, and they should not have been there.” Pointing to body areas, you can explain that cancer may spread and grow. During this conversation, ask what the child understands or encourage them to speak if they have a question. Children over 8 can receive slightly more detailed information. For example, you can show pictures of cancer cells and how they develop in the body, while encouraging children to ask about anything they wonder about.

4- Nobody Is to Blame

Nobody caused the parent to develop cancer. Children may blame themselves for the disease. It is not the child’s fault. Tell them that the doctor said nobody was responsible for the illness developing.

5- Cancer Is Not Contagious

Children hearing about cancer as a disease for the first time may think it is contagious like a cold. Hugging and kissing a person with cancer is normal; cancer is not contagious.

6- Treatment Methods Are Available

You should explain that doctors are now much better at treating cancer than they were with treatments used in the past, that they can provide better treatments and that different cancer treatments have been developed. Explain that the family will get through this together and that the parent will be receiving care for a while.

You may need to explain these things more than once. Children receiving less attention from time to time should be reminded about the situation. Unless you discuss these issues openly and kindly, children may think adults are angry with them or may somehow blame themselves for their parents’ illnesses. To help them understand what cancer is and its characteristics, The 10 Fundamental Characteristics of Cancer is a video of ours you can show them to help them better understand cancer and its features.