8 Thoughtful Ways to Support a Friend with Cancer

You may not know what to do when an old friend, colleague or neighbor receives a cancer diagnosis. Should you visit or send a gift? Here are 8 expert suggestions for providing the best support.

1. Call before visiting

Always call your friend resting at home or hospital, or their companion, and ask permission. They may miss your call or forget to return it; do not take this personally.

Keep visits short so they can rest. If unsure whether you have stayed too long and wish to remain, ask openly.

2. Offer help with daily tasks

Asking whether help is needed may be difficult but can be highly useful. You could shop, cook, look after children or grandchildren, collect children from school or provide transport for chemotherapy. Identify tasks you can do and offer. When shopping for yourself, call and offer to pick up and deliver anything they need.

3. Listen and chat

Listening is simple but meaningful. You may not know how to begin; there is no need to discuss illness. They may already talk constantly about cancer and prefer other subjects with friends. Discuss your usual interests, share a meal or chat over tea. When they want to speak, listening and understanding are enough. Feeling you are always there matters.

4. Remember everyone's cancer is different

Even with the same named cancer as another acquaintance, treatment, side effects and emotions differ. You need not discuss how others beat cancer or "miracle cures." While oncology specialists provide the best modern treatment, your friend most needs social and emotional support from you.

5. Think carefully before bringing food

A healthy diet is essential during and after treatment. Baklava, homemade pastries or chocolate cake may therefore be unsuitable gifts. Patients need light, healthy food, but nausea, vomiting or diarrhea may make even some healthy foods difficult. Depending on circumstances, fruit, vegetables or nuts in shells may be options if you do not want to arrive empty-handed.

6. Bring thoughtful gifts

Gifts are a sensitive issue. Flowers may be unsuitable with weakened immunity; perfume or scented products may be very uncomfortable. Books, magazines, films, puzzles, sketchbooks and colored pencils may help pass time and distract during chemotherapy.

You could pay for housecleaning rather than doing it yourself. Create a memory book with mutual friends; meaningful, funny memories can bring happiness.

7. Support caregivers and other relatives too

When focusing on patients, we may forget relatives who are equally distressed. Remember caregivers' responsibilities and burdens. Any support for them directly supports your friend. Even taking them out for coffee offers a break. 

-Related topic: Cancer caregivers must not be forgotten – 4 ways to support those accompanying patients

8. Continue support after diagnosis

Patients need support throughout, not only at diagnosis or in hospital. Work with your friend group on ideas to spread support. If possible, remember them weekly and ask what you can do. Most importantly, consider their personality, comfort, preferences and needs before offering, or act directly if you know them well and believe it will not bother them.

Related Topic:

- The best gift ideas for a woman with cancer

- Oncology patients and families should be good listeners

- How should patients, families and physicians communicate?

- Signs that a person with cancer is nearing the end of life and recommendations for families